The end of the innocence

I just celebrated (is that even the right word?) my 40th birthday. I'm not one to go around saying I'm 39 for the next 10 years. I've accepted the number. I'm fine with it overall. But I wondered when and if the introspection that usually accompanies such a milestone would hit me.  It's starting to seep in now, in and around my daily routine that usually, conveniently blocks out all serious thought.  It started with a song on the radio. A radio - not on iPod or Pandora radio or iTunes shuffle, but a good old fashioned battery powered radio. "Remember when the days were long, and rolled beneath the deep blue sky; Didn't have a care in the world with mommy and daddy standin' by..." I started thinking about those long summer days with nothing to do. The summer seemed endless with fireflies at night, baseball games, working at the state fair, cookouts, riding bikes, fireworks, the sweet smell of strawberries from my Mom's garden.. .  I started thinking about 20 vs 40, who I was then and who I am now.  When is the end of the innocence? College (I have no idea. I was having too much fun!) Does it happen with that first real job? The one where you wake up one morning, a year into your tenure and realize "I'm on a hamster wheel? Is this it?'  or is it when you get married or have a child? I don't know when I lost my innocent, possibly naive, free spirit. Probably when I had to start filing my own paperwork (bills, taxes, medical etc) Kinda difficult to be punk rock and spontaneous but still file by April 15. I used dye my hair pink with Manic Panic. I actually had a 'real' job that appreciated and somewhat expected that 'flair' (the record business was so much fun back when it really had a 'business.')

In a way it's such a shame that that beautiful freedom of youth is wasted on us when we're really too young to appreciate it, but how could anything be that beautiful to anyone if it wasn't the first time you experienced it?  With 40 I have a family, a job and (potentially, finally) a career. Like Bethenny Frankel said "Why did all the important stuff have to happen to me all at the same time?"  I got married, had a beautiful girl and now a job I really like. And I'm 40.  So did I use that pre-40 time wisely? Would I do it all over again? Hell yeah to the second question.  Not so sure on the first.   But I sure do miss those crickets and fireflies on warm, endless, summer nights with family and friends with not a care in the world and with no freakin' idea what was ahead of me.

The DTap shot - kicking my a**

I know most parents dread giving their sweet little happy newborn a shot full of a disease administered with a scary needle but we know how important it is.  In the last week, the subject of Whooping Cough and Tetanus has now come up 3 separate times.  Last week a friend told me their pediatrician recommended both parents get a Tetanus shot to protect their newborn and 3 year old.  Then I just happened to be at my primary care physician's office for a checkup and the first thing she said when I told her about Zoe was 'You need the DTap!'  So here I am, bent over in pain, moaning like a baby and feeling sorry for myself because I'm at work and I feel like sh*t.  Then I read a report about an outbreak of Whooping Cough (pertussis) in California. I guess I'm somehow right on time. Sure is interesting to experience what my daughter must have felt after her shots. This sucks.  Wah!!

The Spaghetti Incident

Axl Rose had no idea how prophetic that phrase would be in my life. I was a big Guns N' Roses fan when "Appetite for Destruction" came out - 1987 (what an amazing year!) A few years later, GNR released 'The Spaghetti Incident' which, although a pretty good album, really only sported 'Patience' and "I used to love her..." But now, my-post-rock-single-freedom self finds another way that phrase fits my mama costume. We all know how difficult it can be to find the best, most nutritious foods for our children. There's never enough time to shop and cook everything ourselves, so, yeah Baby Z gets pizza every now and then. But I made spaghetti sauce - homemade, delicious, chunky, mushroom garlic spaghetti sauce. It's my comfort food. And if I make enough of it, I can freeze it and it becomes my go-to when all else fails. However, could I find a less messy go-to? It's Sunday. We haven't done the trip to Fairway yet. All I've got is some squash and lettuce and I doubt Baby Zee wants a nice plate of mixed greens.  So I defrosted the sauce and put on the pot to boil the noodles.  I stripped Baby Z down to her diaper and strapped on a yellow bib (ha ha ha , I know, nice try) We're trying to convince her to use utensils but the fork merely becomes tangled in the handfuls of noodles and then ends up on the floor. Baby Z ate maybe 1/3 of the bowl, the rest ended up in her lap and all over the floor. She started flinging noodles and I immediately got down to her level, looked her in the eye and said 'That is a no-no' in a calm, even voice. Bad idea. She slapped one spaghetti sauced hand right across my face. And laughed. This is when the rest of the lyrics of "I used to love her..." started playing in my head. I left the room, to recover, and wash my face. I returned to see the child, sitting cherubic and happily covered in tomato sauce, quietly and diligently filling her diaper. So now I had a dangerous perimeter to traverse with an armed and loaded perpetrator at the center. A warm washcloth took care of the immediate threat from the flailing hands but the greater threat loomed as the clock ticked. Sweat beaded on my brow. Will the new diapers hold? Will I make it to the nursery without any collateral damage to the highchair seat? Will I slip on a noodle and send us both sliding into a horrific mess of 'before and after' food?! My mind raced. I grabbed her by the armpits as I stepped gingerly between noodle landmines. I held my breath - for more than the obvious reasons. The span between the dining room and the nursery extended out ahead of me, the path telescoping into what looked like the hallway in the scene in Poltergiest ("Stay away from my baby!")I blacked out. I don't know how long it took but I skidded into the nursery, baby dangling by her armpits, and placed her on the changing table. I always like to listen to music with her so I hit the on button on the radio and there's Axl, this time singing "Take me down to Paradise City." Ha, he has no idea. 

Airplanes and children: they are passengers too!

We are flying to Seattle next month and had already decided to bring the car seat. On past flights we simply juggled Baby Z for  5 hours and arrived exhausted, so knowing that she'll sit still when buckled into her carseat, we thought we'd save us some struggle.  Also, gain some peace of mind. Honestly, it's hard to imagine that we (and millions of other parents) actually opted to NOT buy a seat for the baby because the NTSB and FAA says that children under 2 can sit on a parent's lap (and because fares are ridiculous?!).  I've never been comfortable with that plan. (The NTSB has just announced ending this rule.)  I mean, if real turbulence hits or (God forbid) another sort of disaster, would I really be able to hold onto her? There I'd be, all strapped in and safe and she'd be flung somewhere oh I can't even begin to finish that thought.   But then some Mommies on my local messageboard suggested the CARES harness.  At $75 it's steep but I may give it a try! (By the way, can we discuss the broadcaster's hair?)   UPDATE: We did try the Cares Restraint and totally love it. Not only did Baby Z have her own space and actually slept and sat still, but let me tell you, as a working mother, I get about .5 seconds of real down time once every  4 months.  So to have my child safely in her seat, strapped in like the rest of the passengers, I actually relaxed. No, seriously, for like 10 minutes! I actually sat there, perplexed at the non-existent list of worry items (1-turbulence, 2-she wants to get down 3-she wants to get up 4 -she's under the seat 5-what's in her mouth?! 6-ew don't lick the seat! 7-no that man doesn't want your paci, etc etc) Of course I was duly unprepared for this momentary reprieve - no magazines, no books, nothing.  So, guess what? I just sat there.  And I loved it.  

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Monday wisdom and a pair of shoes

Besides a cup of coffee, what else does one need? On my subway commute into the city I always grab a copy of the free paper (MetroNY) and check the horoscopes. I've never really paid much attention to horoscopes in general because I can pretty much drive myself crazy without any outside help - thank you - but I liked this one just for the pure positive spin on it:  "An authority on the subject might bring it to your attention that something you have is of greater value than you realize. This person appreciates its worth and wants you to as well."  As is true with most horoscopes it's just general enough to really make you think it's actually talking to you, but we all know if it's negative, then it doesn't apply to us. They're talking about someone else.  But I'll take this one for the simple message that we all have something valuable about ourselves that we don't recognize or play up nearly enough. So whether or not there's another person who may know this attribute, YOU should. So take a moment, ponder your greatness, and go forth and conquer Monday!

I know I'll read that next Monday when I'm growling and annoyed at people as a whole, so, in reality, I have a back-up plan: shoes.  I noticed these Aldo beauties on Mascara or Motoroil and have now gone back to her site and to Aldo's site no less than 52 times to 'visit' them.  I decided to give myself an early birthday present and will dutifully post photos of these once they arrive. 

Listening to: New Order "Procession" (How I miss those days.)

Cereal can save us all.

I love cereal. I have a pantry shelf that I stock many different kinds of cereal. And I don't buy cereal so much for the taste, but as for the purpose. See, I have breakfast cereals (hearty, light, not too sweet) and then I have dessert cereals (sweet, but not Fruit Loops sweet.  Pink milk was hilarious in high school, now it just makes my teeth hurt.) I find that a bowl of Cinnamon Harvest is just sweet enough to distract me from a pint of Haagen Daaz. Because it's all about the distraction and ultimately shaking it off. If I can make it past the freezer and into bed before I'm kidnapped, I win!  Unsurprisingly Baby Zee has taken quite a fancy for a fresh bowl of apple cinnamon Oatios and cold milk.  She is my offspring after all. So we shared a bowl.  The MMR shot doesn't appear to be having any effect at all. Even the injection site is virtually invisible. The doctor said that she can have a multitude of reactions up to 2 weeks after the shot.  Am I jinxing it? Am I on thin ice? She's not even cranky. Feverish praying on my part might actually be helping. Or maybe it's just the cereal? Thank you Oatios! 

The inevitable and unavoidable sadness of the MMR

Tomorrow is the day. We've put it off long enough. We signed the waivers at the doctor's office because we refused the shot.  We scheduled and canceled appointments. But we really can't wait any longer.  Pediatricians 'suggest' that the MMR shot should be given between 12-16 months.  Baby Zee is 21 months.  We tried to find a divided dose because we really just can't comprehend how one little body can handle these 3 ugly diseases at once: Measles, Mumps and Rubella.  The "informative" reading given to us about the MMR shot describes the medieval horror that should befall your child if you DON'T get the vaccination: Seizures, deafness, blindness, dull stares - seriously, the scare tactic is working on me.  But with all the new 'luggage' that comes with a child's vaccination schedule there are so many other things to worry about. And I'm a Class A Master Worrier.  I'm sorry baby Zee but I know it's got to be this way. You'll get through this. Your father and I survived our vaccinations and who knows what the hell was in those shots in the '70s.   But you hate shots. You hate the doctor's office. In fact you hate and scream at anyone remotely resembling a doctor. Or an office. So this will not be easy.  Fortunately for me, your Daddy has a great poker face hiding that huge breaking heart so he will take you. You know your Mommie only adds to your terror by sobbing herself, so I will hide in the bathroom at work promptly at 10:30am and say a thousand Hail Mary's and help you get through it.   I'm sorry I'm not more help.  Here I thought childbirth was supposed to be the most difficult.  It's not the pain you gave me then that is the worst, it's the pain I see you endure. And will endure the rest of your life - through vaccinations to skinned knees, to rejection and disappointment. I'll do everything I can to let you experience just enough to understand because you need to learn and grow and become the amazing person you are destined to be.  My little sweetness and light - stay strong and be brave.

Summer Pasta

I've been acquiring the items for this summer salsa pasta salad all week and I just never got the time to make it. Until today. I must share. It's delicious! By the way, I hate cilantro.  But I love Mexican food and most of what I cook is spicy so Que Pasa? Maybe it's starting to grow on me. The aversion was violent back in the day - I'd recoil in horror if I tasted it, but now, I chew through it with only a minor grimace. I must be growing up (wipe tear away.)  Anyhow, it's a great, easy to make summer salad. And actually most people have a lot of this stuff in their pantries already  - I just had to make a special trip to the produce stand to get the fresh cilantro. Didn't have any problem identifying THAT one - oy that stuff is strong.  I find most of my recipes at Allrecipes.com - simply because it has two important features: 1- reader reviews and 2 - the option to type in whatever you found in the fridge and it will find a recipe for it.  Genius!

2 cups rainbow pasta

1 chopped onion (I used some scallions too)

1 red bell pepper (had half a green one -score!)

1 6oz can of sliced black olives (or like my family, get the supersize and sample all during prep.)

3 diced tomatoes

1 4oz can of diced green chiles (I used 3 T of green salsa)

1/3 cup distilled white vinegar

1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro

1 1/2 teaspoon  garlic salt

1/3 cup lemon juice

1/2 cup veg oil (I like less so went with 1/3)

1 Tablespoon white sugar

1 Tablespoon chili powder*

* I thought it needed more kick so I added 1 Tablespoon of crushed red pepper flakes.

1. Cook the noodles.  (I'm always surprised that this has to be written in a recipe. But, hey, you never know...)

2. Combine the onion, bell pepper, olives, tomatoes and green chiles (or green salsa) in one bowl.

3. In another bowl (I suggest something easy to pour from) whisk together the vinegar, cilantro, garlic salt, lemon juice, vegetable oil, sugar and chili powder (and red pepper flakes.)  

This dish is best served cold - let the stuff mingle for a bit and have a cold Pacifico while you wait.  If I had a baby pool, I'd have my feet in it. I thought a little bit of Mexican trinkets would be a good background.  So it's a great summer salad, or an odd sort of shrine to pasta...

Such beautiful brightness

Sometimes I marvel at what nature creates. Sure she wreaks havoc and life can really suck sometimes but then ... this happens. Thought I'd share xoxoo- MillionMama