Sade rules

I've always loved this song. And her dress.

Happy Birthday Louise Brooks

Some people make jello shots....

how to: pore strips

I'm going to make pore strips.

Sometimes I 'm so organized that I scare myself

But when you've got a house full of people using the same fridge, I had to find a way to avoid wasting any food. (Ok we're in a 1 bedroom apartment, but it feels like Grand Central Station.) And maybe somehow cut back on the famous stand-with-the-door-open gaze and then the inevitable, "Mom there's nothing to eat." (My toddler doesn't actually say that, but at least her nanny knows what to push besides gummy bears. again.)  And lastly, I'm a Leo. I'm a full-time working Mom and I get very little recognition so here it is. Look at the amazing meals I prepare for my family. I love the spotlight.  

I picked up this nice, neat and not so huge dry erase board at Duane Reade for $5.  I actually read the label and it's made by a company called "Board Dudes" - part of MegaBrands.  Their out of Canada and have a great family friendly business model.  They're awesome.  

It's a new day

As the sun comes up on Saturday, what was supposed to be Day 4 of Day 8, I feel different and everything I do feels different.  Dr. Ho, the kindest man on the planet, reviewed my mammogram scans and my sonogram right at the radiology center, and determined that he sees 'nothing to be concerned about.'  He reasons that the glandular tissue in the breast can react to menstrual cycles and that is the simple cause of an enlarged, thickened area.  It should subside.  I feel lighter than I've ever been.  This extreme depth of the finality of my life really hit me hard - even in only 3 days.  Even with my scary ability to deny that it was happening.  Even though I'd collapse in a puddle, shaking and sobbing at the thought that my daughter would have to grow up without me.... it made a dent and I've learned.  Suddenly, all the little details that used to aggravate me or annoy me seem like wonderful badges to wear and be proud of.  I CAN put up with a tantrum and refusal to go to sleep. Isn't it wonderful? Isn't it beautiful to have a child that throws her food? Ok well not really but my point is, we're here. I'm here.  We have another shot to appreciate everything.  Thank you.

Day 3

Called my mom last night. Not a call I knew how to make. I mean, why worry her before I know for sure. But she had a lump when she was in her 20s so she would have valuable insight. Plus she's my mom. Normally my calls consisted of work and family updates so this news would be the last thought on her mind.

I called the radiology dept at the hospital again to see if they had cancellations. Told me something about needing 2 days for scans... I don't understand. So I got the number of another center and they said to come in now. So here I am sitting and waiting in the hospital issue blue gown. Its very cold and quiet here. The people are very nice. I feel like they can see it all on my face. The mammogram was intensely painful. Yet another scourge of those of us with tiny boobs. I've been walking around seconds from collapse and to hold it all in -while holding my breath!- during the test was almost impossible. The lump is very low under my right breast and under my arm so she had to do it 3 times! Why don't they make those machines shaped for a breast?!

I should have just eaten the effing french fries.

"I’m bald and blobby, bored and boring. I still eat nutritious food (smoothies, broccoli soup), though I’m not sure why I bother. I no longer believe that diet and healthy living can prevent cancer. Those are just stories we want to believe so we can feel safe. Now I think it’s just hopeful superstition: the way that, back in the olden days, people danced to bring rain.

It’s totally unfair. All those hours I spent at the gym. All that oatmeal."

From Real Simple

Day 2 - wish I had read this before Day 1.

I did read this prior to 'Day 1.' But do we ever really REALLY understand it until it's too late??

And all the money in the world couldn't buy back those days

Well... you didn't wake up this morning
Because you didn't go to bed
You were watching the whites of your eyes
Turn red
The calendar, on your wall, is ticking the days off

You've been reading some old letters
You smile and think how much you've changed
All the money in the world
Couldn't bring back those days.
You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes,
You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky.
THIS IS THE DAY -- Your life will surely change.
THIS IS THE DAY -- Your life will surely change.
You could've done anything -- if you'd wanted
And all your friends and family think that you're lucky.
But the side of you they'll never see
Is when you're left alone with the memories
That hold your life together like
Glue

-The the (one of my most favorite bands of all time.)

Day 2 of saving a life.

 Day 1 the doctor found a lump in my right breast. Day 1 was a lot of uncontrollable scared sobbing. Day 2 I'm in a happy bubble living the way I did before: as if all was well as if nothing bad could happen. I'm at a Starbucks in downtown Manhattan before I head into a meeting with a design agency working on a site redesign. I'm one of 2 people representing the needs of a respected fashion firm. I'm finally important. I'm going to work it. I'm going to ignore the constant thoughts about cancer seeping into other parts of my body. What's that pain? Cancer. My throat hurts: cancer. My elbow aches: cancer. I'll drink my coffee and ignore it. Day 8 is the mammogram.

I have GOT to get out more.

Source: sunsurfer.tumblr.com via Sarah on Pinterest

Today I decided that I should really be making some goals here. Like my therapist said, "...otherwise, you're just pissing in the wind." No shrinking violet, that one. But she got her point across. I also think Prince makes a good point too: "...this life, you're on your own." It's a completely and unnecessarily dramatic thing to say that even with a life of family and love, we will really be all alone on that day we walk into the light (or away from it, depending on which scene in Poltergeist you may be referring to.) But really, if you don't accomplish what you wanted to do, you have only yourself to blame.  So my first step is to at least compile a list. Apparently, even as a small child, a list was always step one for me.  And an unorganized project is no fun, so organization is key.  Let's see if I make to step 2: Do it. 

One simple question

Fifty people. One question.  I think this should be mandatory viewing for everyone. Actually everyone should watch this at least once a week.  Or better yet, ask yourself the question each person here answers.  All we are told about each person is their name, where they live and what their answer is to the question.  We don't know them and we'll most likely never meet them but in that one sentence we see the span of their lifetime unfold in front of us. And as they walk away from the camera.  Amazingly powerful to see these faces... all the different ages, eyes, smiles, frowns, wrinkles and scars... every one so different but from watching this video, we all seem the same: mortal. Finite.  We have the same amount of time on this earth. The same chances to do more or do less with what we've been given or left out of.  These aren't their "15 minutes."  These are their lives.   Is that 30 seconds on screen what it feels like at the end of your years - like a blip - poof - gone?

The timeless beauty of galloping horses

My sisters and I played horses when we were kids.  I'm sure you think I mean that we ran around on our hands and knees and you know, ate grass,  neighed and stuff.  But no.  We had the largest collection of horse statues in the Midwest.  I was a big fan of the Clydesdale.  My sister had a particularly awesome white stallion rearing up in a dramatic pose with his mane rippling in the wind. We also swooned when anyone mentioned (pause) The Black Stallion.  The. Black. Stallion.  Nothing held our attention more than watching that beautiful horse gallop at full speed across the sandy beaches.  Of course this all changed when we discovered INXS and Duran Duran, but I digress.  My parents let me choose the color of my bedroom carpet when we moved to a new house. I choose a lovely lime green. Wall to wall lime green. I loved it. (I'll have to save the subject of the wallpaper for another blog post. Thank you Mom for gently pushing me away from covering the whole room in 'giant rabbits in a jungle'.) But this carpet was more than just the floor covering: it was a plush green field for our horses to graze and run free like they were always meant to.   If we played horses, it was in MY room. I had acres of land for our herd to roam. It wasn't until I moved to New York many, many years later that I visited Coney Island and rode the beautiful carousel.  It's even more beautiful just in sheer contrast to it's dirty, smelly surroundings of hot dogs, freak shows and trash.  That's why I was so happy to hear that a carousel will be installed on Brooklyn's waterfront and my daughter can ride it all day.   Jane's Carousel She loves the carousel in Bryant Park in Manhattan but this one is much closer. I'm sure the line will be about 20 minutes long.  Welcome to New York.

The power in one drop of water

We have a family cottage in upstate New York - in fact so 'upstate' it's about 45 minutes from the Canadian border. We love to visit Alexandria Bay which is a famous vacation spot in that area. I have fond memories of walking along the tiny streets, ducking in to little ice cream shops and especially of taking a boat tour around the 1000 Islands.  While I was there a few years ago, the weight of this area's importance to me and my family was stronger than usual. We had just gathered to memorialize my grandmother - as well as my grandfather and his father - all at the same cemetery, so the fact that generations of my family visited this place, called it their home away from home, was becoming a tangible blanket over my shoulders. Since I'm getting older, I realize that I now will be the 'older' generation at the cottage and my feelings about the place have evolved from that of a child playing and jumping off the dock, to an adult who is grounded by this place, an adult who feels this 'home' as an anchor for all the crazy whitewater my life has become.  

On this visit to Alexandria Bay I stopped into a tiny jewelry and trinket shop.  I found 2 things that have become enormously important to me. Amongst all the typical silver charms like butterflies and hearts, there was a tiny silver propeller. A boat propeller.  I have always loved boats - the bigger the better. Military - love it. And this little propeller not only represented that but more importantly it seemed to symbolize my love for the water in our bay, the same water my grandparents swam in, the same water my father skipped rocks across as a kid.  After I pulled that out of the case, I wandered to the back and saw a title on a book 'The Secret Life of Water' by Masaru Emoto.  He is a Japanese scientist who tested the effects of words and music on water.  His premise is that a kind word can change the molecular structure of water. The photos of his experiments show beautiful snowflake-like crystals formed as a result of the sound of words like love, thank you and music like Beethoven's Pastorale.  In contrast, he shows broken, asymmetrical, shapes that were formed after the sounds of words like hate, or war, etc.   Pretty impressive.  His research was like the last piece in a puzzle for me:  The water of our bay holds all of the memories, love, laughter, tears and dreams of all the generations in our family.  We go there for a vacation but we all knew we returned to our day to day grind refreshed, revitalized and renewed.  I was pregnant at the time and I knew that I wanted to swim in those waters to bless my sweet baby.  I can't wait to bring her there now as a toddler so she can splash in it all by herself!
Dr. Emoto has sent out a global request, written in 13 different languages, for a world wide prayer to the water of Japan.   He is asking that everyone send kind healing words to this water to help them heal.  We know this can only help and certainly can't hurt because if you can change your morning cup of tea by the words 'thank you' we can make a bigger change in healing a country.

A festival of color - what a beautiful party!

Someday I'd like to see this in person. Any party that simply celebrates life, love and the triumph of good over evil - for TWO WEEKS, I'm in.  The colors are amazing and the joy on their faces is palpable!

Leafy greens / Folic Acid erases BPA in offspring!!

What to Do About Chemicals in Pregnant Women: A Green Solution. | Healthy Child Healthy World

Yay. Working Parents. Sigh.

I just read this article about a beautiful iPad app where parents can record their voices reading nursery rhymes to their children. However, the guy who wrote it obviously feels some shame at the need for it since he describes that his life has become a 'blasted lunar landscape" for not having the time to physically be there to read to them himself. I had to laugh (while choking back tears.) 

Free Hugs - some of the best stuff on earth

If you ever feel down, if you ever feel bad, or lonely or just plain old pissy (not me, ever) watch this video. Even I can't help smiling - and my chin will quiver a bit too. Plus, the soundtrack is Hallelujah - written by Mr. Leonard Cohen.   Thanks to my sister, MamaWA, for sending this and brightening my day!

The NYC Starbucks Sitcom

Up until about a year ago, I have to admit I swore off Starbucks for a lot of reasons: the long lines, the prices, non-fair trade, etc etc.  But then my sister got a job at the corporate HQ and I re-thought my blockade.  Factor in, too, the happiness I receive from coffee and now since I'm post baby nursing, I can dance happily and daily in a caffeine induced euphoria. And just like any drug addict, I need more and more to get that high. So naturally I went to Starbucks.  I used to refer to their coffee as Jet Fuel and I meant it in a slightly derogatory sense, but now I say Jet Fuel with delight. It's the only coffee that really ups my typing WPM and my ambition and giddy sense of aspirations of success. Yes. All in a cup of Grande Pike for $2.40 ($2.18 outside the city.) So in order to keep my job and possibly elevate to new levels of middle management, Starbucks has become an integral part of my career now.  The theory of this crutch is staggering but I wistfully pay it no mind, for in my happy bubble, I am invincible. Budgets and strategies are crushed! Spreadsheets are putty in my hands. Reports - bam!  Meetings - ya vole! Well, that's until lunch. Then productivity drops in direct proportion to hours since first sip (equation: P=T/S).  Anyhow, I thought I might start a regular posting of just what it takes to achieve said drug. Sure, NYC has a Starbucks on every corner, but you think you can just walk in, get a coffee and walk out?? Pftt. Silly non-New Yorker.  No, with my coffee usually comes a story of some kind and really, why keep that to myself? I am typing 155 wpm right now so I can share.   

This morning it's raining.  I have 2 choices of SBX locations to hit on the way to my office.  I can get off at the front of the train and hit the 42nd /6th ave spot, or get off the train at the back (which is where I board and frankly more convenient in my sloth-like, pre-caffeine subway bubble) at 40th / 6th and walk 2 blocks to the Madison Ave. location.  Now, not only do we New Yorkers have to consider the actual geographic location of a SBX we have to recognize the regulars, or the type of New Yorkers each location will attract.  You can imagine a SBX in the East Village will be different than these Mid-town locations, right? East Village hipsters stroll in, order basic bolds and Pikes, and usually tote a laptop or iPad etc.  They sit and discuss.  Midtown locations attract the suit.  Mr. Important Briefcase Man.  He is very busy.  He gets basic coffees too but is gone in a flash.  He usually gets a call while standing in line.  The McKenzie account is in jeopardy. Also, you get the lady suits.  Some really nice sophisticates but mostly, mousey oversize trenchcoats with sneakers. Ugh. They order some pretty serious drinks. Tall iced skinny vanilla soy latte decaf - with a straw.  The other thing to consider is that neither of these locations is very big. So often, if I'm running late, I go to the 42nd street spot because somehow it's not as busy. But Madison Ave, whoa.  Like, this morning, it's raining. I stood OUTSIDE the door, in a line to get IN to the Starbucks. Then once you get IN the door, you have to follow proper protocol and follow the person ahead of you closely, but not too close as to be weird, but enough so that when the line snakes around and wraps around on itself, it still remains clear to any NEW coffee hopeful, that yes, you indeed are ahead of them and therefore 2.5 minutes closer to coffee nirvana.  So there I am, marching in slow motion with all the military precision of the 3rd Reich, when Mr. Important Briefcase Man shoulder checks me on his way out.  He's on the McKenzie call.  Has his Grande Bold and is very important and unable to see us non-coffee peons and his corporate girth is too wide for the space between me and the door, so he takes me out.  Nice.  I, am too, quite important as I'm busy texting, so I merely say "Excuse You" and go back to my carefully considerate line holding texting and nonchalant Midtown way.   I also must note that my nonchalance can be attributed to an event prior to the Starbucks approach. I had stopped for a toasted english muffin at the deli first since it's on the way.  I got to the register and tried to read the black ink written on the paper wrapper. I know this is cheap, but why do I see 4 numbers? I look closer and see (smile) that Mr. Nice Deli Man had drawn a heart and then $1.10.  So I am now in a caffeine bubble encased in fluffy clouds.  Would be cooler if the Mr. Nice Deli Man was, oh, about 40, Latin and capable of singing just like Mike Reno from Loverboy and also was Admiral of the Pacific Fleet but no.... He may be 50 and from Uzbekistan. Still fun - husband should only be slightly nervous. Wink.  Regardless, I'll take it.  With my Grande Pike, to the office for a great Friday. 

You can see my devotion as evidenced below by my collection of cups - both pre- and post new logo. 

Party in a box (and no, it's not wine.)

Throwing parties for kids can be daunting. I'm no Martha.  And I know that my sister, who has 3 girls and a full time job, can't always get out to buy the right decorations and supplies necessary for properly representing true love and devotion which we all know parties are symbolic of in New York.  The more expensive - means the more we love you.   So one year I thought I'd send her the whole thing - everything (except us family on the other coast :(  and I found the best site to buy this "party in a box."   Birthday in a Box has many different collections for girls and boys - all in the same theme. There are animal parties (horses - omg breathe!), butterflies, movies, characters, princess / prince, sports, dinosaurs etc.  So you can get a tropical fish pinata, tropical fish games & favors, tropical fish plates & cups, streamers, sippy cups, candles and tropical fish invitations. Even stuff for sleepovers: the kids can personalize their own pillowcases or color their own dinosaurs! Everything - literally - except the cake and the kids. I have this site bookmarked because sometimes for each birthday I just send a couple of the games/favors to her house since there always seems to be more than her 3 kids running around. She has to make sure she recognizes the ones she puts to bed. 

Yoga: how to be less of a nut

I picked up the January issue of Vogue (found it at the office. I don't have the money or the time for high fashion magazines.) And this issue actually had some text in in - not just dramatic ads of wafer thin models with shocked looks on their faces in high winds on expensive grass.) The article was called "Balancing Act: As a new mom chasing perfection, Claire Dederer turned to yoga to quiet her neurotic tendencies. Here in an excerpt from her book "Poser: My Life in 23 Poses" she finds freedom in imperfection." I immediately related but given that my time spent reading these days adds up to about 2.4 minutes per month, I only glanced on the next page at one paragraph. It was this one below and I can't wait to get the entire book. Maybe I can finish it by the time my toddler hits highschool. 

"Mine was a generation of hollow-eyed women, chasing virtue. We, the mothers of North Seattle, were consumed with trying to do everything right. Breast-feeding was simply the first item in a long, abstruse to-do list: Cook organic baby food, buy expensive wooden toys, create an enriching home environment, sleep with your child in your bed, ensure that your house was toxin free, use cloth diapers, carry your child in a sling, dress your child in organic fibers, join a baby group so your child could develop peer attachments. And don't quit your job. But be sure to agonize over it. Also, don't forget to recycle. I looked around and saw eye bags everywhere. When I got together with my girlfriends, fun seemed not to come into the picture. Forget about going out drinking or dancing; we seldom met for coffee anymore - nothing for the baby to do."

I did a search on Claire Dederer and found that she wrote regularly for, among other publications, The New York Times, Real Simple and Gaiam's Stream of Consciousness blog.  She wrote a post about her book and I found yet another nugget of inspiration from her. Read: another moment of relief that explained my current state of mind.   So here's an excerpt from that blog entry which you can read in it's entirety on Gaiam's blog:

"I was, frankly, a nervous wreck. And then I started doing yoga. Yoga was, to be honest, part of my plan to be an even more perfect mother. I would be serene! And have that famous yoga glow! But the longer I did it, the more it made me feel that maybe I could, you know, relax a bit. Yoga was something I enjoyed, right down to my toes, and yet the notion of mastering it was absurd. I was never going to perfect my Monkey, or be able to transition from Scorpion into Chaturanga. I was faced, inexorably, with my imperfections. It took a while, but eventually yoga’s lesson — the idea that you are fine the way you are — began to take hold.

And, consequently, I started to be less of a nut at home. I began to loosen my standards. I stopped watching my husband with an eagle eye, trying to figure out how he was going to fail me next. Lo and behold, he slowly emerged from his depression. I’m not saying I was responsible for his depression, or for its fading away, but I believe it was a dynamic, and that I contributed to it."

Celebrating Valentine's Day with your little one: Where to go in NYC

I'm so excited to introduce my first guest blogger - Carla Sullivan, founder and Mommy Muncher at MiniMunchers.com.
I told her that she changed my life and it's true, because, here I was avoiding going to restaurants with my toddler.  Sure, I went out quite often back when I had one small, neatly organized diaper bag and one small, neatly organized child. Ah, I was delightful and breezed in anywhere without a care. Now that she's mobile and defiant, I dread meals in public places that don't have sufficient padding and earplugs and most of all, a sense of acceptance.  However, Carla made me realize that it wasn't the 'going out' that was the problem, it was the places I was trying to go.  MiniMunchers lists all the best places around NYC to eat - that the whole family can enjoy. No Chuck E. Cheese pizza here.  And the best part is, I'm prepared before I go. I can look up (among other things) stroller access, crayon availability, menu items and bathroom amenities.  I am so happy about this. Enjoy!
 
Carla Sullivan – Founder & Mommy Muncher

Some people think Valentine’s Day is just for couples, but we all know that having kids changes everything…If you can’t get a sitter for the BIG DAY or just want to celebrate with the kids the weekend before (hey we love our kids too!), here are some spots in NYC that will be a fun and enjoyable experience for both the adults and minis in your family.

Max Brenner –  If chocolate is what you want to eat, then get ready for a treat! Max Brenner in Union Square has everything from Chocolate Pizza to chocolate fondue and of course hot chocolate. Yes, there can be a wait (particularly at peak dining hours) but your little ones will be entertained by the huge vats of chocolate in the waiting area/chocolate store and one seated – it will be hard to keep them contained with all the chocolate delicacies waiting to be sampled!
 
Blue Smoke Jazz Brunch – For your music lover, Blue Smoke in Murray Hill’s Sunday Kids Jazz brunch is a real find! Live Jazz music, presented by the Jazz Standard Youth Orchestra, will get your minis feet tapping (dancing is encouraged) while they are waiting for their BBQ! It can get loud (so I wouldn’t bring a sleeping baby, but a screaming baby is just fine) but the food is great and the entertainment can’t be beat!

Sweetie Pie -  A favorite of Gwyneth Paltrow, this West Village spot is an adorable upscale family (and hipster) restaurant. Not only is the menu varied (for both children and adults) but if you get there early – or reserve in advance – your Minis can sit in the coveted gilded bird cage located in the front of the restaurant. The hot pink banquettes are a great second choice for your Valentine’s Day visit.

Moomah - Moomah is truly a unique spot to bring your tot in TriBeCa for the holiday. Not only is the extensive menu local, seasonal AND organic (with dairy-free and gluten-free choices) but kids are encouraged to play while they eat with incredibly beautiful and engrossing art projects specially themed for Valentine’s Day! What’s more, if you visit on Friday or Saturday the back room, usually reserved for private classes, is transformed into the “Funky Forest” for children to explore and use their imaginations. Oh – they just got their liquor license so relax and ENJOY!

HAPPY MUNCHING!
Visit www.MiniMunchers.com for the complete children’s menus of these and over 225 other great restaurants in NYC! MiniMunchers also offers weekly discounts on children’s products and classes in our “Goodie Bag” as well as advice from experts on making your eating experiences with kids enjoyable – from celebrities to restaurateurs to Moms-in- the-know!

Fashionable coffee

Coffee, on a normal day, is generally a source of great happiness for me. The deep, rich aroma of a fresh brewed french roast can, far too often, be the only motivation for getting out of bed in the morning. However, today's dose gave forth a happy discovery that put me in orbit while enjoying the mystical confluence of Nantucket Blend, Seattle and "Pedal to the metal." Can you see it!? My nailpolish matches the picture on my most favorite mug sent by my sister who works at Starbucks. See? Coffee + family + fashion = unbridled delirium.

Hide and Seek

 

Great song by Imogen Heap. 

One big beautiful cocktail ring

I've always been a sucker for jewelry.  My tastes developed pretty much from Madonna, circa 1985. Since I wore glasses and a uniform in gradeschool and highschool, that made for some pretty hilarious 'statements' on my part. How my mother didn't laugh me right out the door is beyond me. I'm sure she shook her head and chalked it up to 'expressing myself.'   Now that I've been living in New York for 14 years, I managed to absorb a few tips such as 'less is more' and 'quality over quantity' (however if we're talking those rubber neon bracelets then it will always be quantity.)  Also, the quiet streamlined sophistication of the incredibly rich in this city can be quite perplexing: is it her hair? Wait, no, it must be the handbag. Or the shoes?? I am exhausted trying to figure it out. But one thing I do know is that it's really about quality.  If you can afford it, it's one of the best accessories.  I still have a ridiculous amount of jewelry but I'd say maybe 5 or 6 pieces are really made well with quality materials. I recently attended a Twitter party put on by MomsTrends.com and the topic was accessories so the sponsors were offering 4 prizes. I considered myself duly qualified to discuss accessories what with my many years of experimentation, so it was the perfect kind of evening for me: baby was asleep,  I got to chat with people, drink wine without worrying about anyone noticing my teeth turn purple and I could wear a bathrobe.  Obviously I was plenty happy with that, being a working Mom, so my expectations didn't go any further. However, a strange thing happened. It seems that the random universe conspired to pull my name out of all the attendees and bestow upon me a most coveted, handmade cocktail ring!  This is the Bitsy cocktail ring by Laura James Jewelry. Unfortunately since I slacked on posting this, I fear the ring is no longer for sale on her site (hanging head) but the new collections are amazing - with beautiful bright spring corals and turquoises, pearly ivories and pretty pale yellows.  The best part about this ring is that the band is adjustable. It's made of a firm but flexible brass so it fits perfectly and doesn't slide around my finger like some other cocktail rings I have.  So check out Laura's site - this is the quality, the sophistication and the unique sparkle that will be your best accessory.