I sat down to try to unload some of the angst and pain and unsettling (read: probably hormonal. thanks a lot, stereotypes) response I experienced when spending 3 days alone with my 2 year old. I wanted to think I'd enjoy my 'girls day' and imagined us skipping and playing and smiling and hugging, but in reality, a 2 year old has endless energy, endless interest (eeeeverything is "kewl!") and endless desire for everything now, with a cookie, and no PJs. So my semi obsessive compulsive need to keep things clean and in order, is obviously clashing with disastrous results. I'm trying to ease up, not sweat the small stuff, but if I let it all go, I just end up cleaning up and cooking etc at midnight while everybody else sleeps. The anxiety builds and by day's end I'm a wreck. And it's not easy to parent while one is busy being a miserable wreck. Nobody likes a wreck. Anyhow, so I was wandering around some blogs and like a beacon in the night, I found this recent post. As if I'd written it myself. So, my answer is: "What she said." Thank you!!
Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic New Mother: The Wonder Years: "It's hard this parenting lark. And I'm not sure I am any good at it. My husband just came home from work. I was feeding our daughter and as..."
I just read your post, and the one you linked to, and honestly, everything you are feeling is so normal. I'm not sure those idyllic days you talked about ever happen with two year olds except in books and films. I mean, you get idyllic moments, but idyllic days - I'm not sure I ever had one of those!! That's why they call it the terrible two's! Take it easy on yourself. Try not to worry too much about the chaos and mess although I know it's hard - but when I look back at videos of my son at two and remember how I felt I wish I had been more relaxed. It goes by so fast and if I had it to do over again, I'd play a lot more and tidy up a lot less. (He's 17 now!) But you need to be comfortable in your surroundings - so if you need tidy, then that's okay too. Don't judge yourself, being a mom is hard sometimes, and often hard work.And no more cleaning at midnight - mommies need to sleep too :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for that super important point: this is all fleeting. You are so right. Baby Zee is already 2 and I clearly have not accepted it. I'm still calling her Baby Z! And yes, I know, one day I'll wake up and she'll be all annoyed-with-her-uncool-mom and I'll have to look back at the photos and videos to remember that adorable, fleeting sweetness that I might miss if I'm too busy scrubbing the floor! Thanks for stopping by April! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing my post. I'm learning that there is comfort in numbers and if this motherhood lark could feel more like a sisterhood it might feel a lot less lonely at times. Failing that - let's be monsters together ;)
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