Sade rules

I've always loved this song. And her dress.

And all the money in the world couldn't buy back those days

Well... you didn't wake up this morning
Because you didn't go to bed
You were watching the whites of your eyes
Turn red
The calendar, on your wall, is ticking the days off

You've been reading some old letters
You smile and think how much you've changed
All the money in the world
Couldn't bring back those days.
You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes,
You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky.
THIS IS THE DAY -- Your life will surely change.
THIS IS THE DAY -- Your life will surely change.
You could've done anything -- if you'd wanted
And all your friends and family think that you're lucky.
But the side of you they'll never see
Is when you're left alone with the memories
That hold your life together like
Glue

-The the (one of my most favorite bands of all time.)

One simple question

Fifty people. One question.  I think this should be mandatory viewing for everyone. Actually everyone should watch this at least once a week.  Or better yet, ask yourself the question each person here answers.  All we are told about each person is their name, where they live and what their answer is to the question.  We don't know them and we'll most likely never meet them but in that one sentence we see the span of their lifetime unfold in front of us. And as they walk away from the camera.  Amazingly powerful to see these faces... all the different ages, eyes, smiles, frowns, wrinkles and scars... every one so different but from watching this video, we all seem the same: mortal. Finite.  We have the same amount of time on this earth. The same chances to do more or do less with what we've been given or left out of.  These aren't their "15 minutes."  These are their lives.   Is that 30 seconds on screen what it feels like at the end of your years - like a blip - poof - gone?

The end of the innocence

I just celebrated (is that even the right word?) my 40th birthday. I'm not one to go around saying I'm 39 for the next 10 years. I've accepted the number. I'm fine with it overall. But I wondered when and if the introspection that usually accompanies such a milestone would hit me.  It's starting to seep in now, in and around my daily routine that usually, conveniently blocks out all serious thought.  It started with a song on the radio. A radio - not on iPod or Pandora radio or iTunes shuffle, but a good old fashioned battery powered radio. "Remember when the days were long, and rolled beneath the deep blue sky; Didn't have a care in the world with mommy and daddy standin' by..." I started thinking about those long summer days with nothing to do. The summer seemed endless with fireflies at night, baseball games, working at the state fair, cookouts, riding bikes, fireworks, the sweet smell of strawberries from my Mom's garden.. .  I started thinking about 20 vs 40, who I was then and who I am now.  When is the end of the innocence? College (I have no idea. I was having too much fun!) Does it happen with that first real job? The one where you wake up one morning, a year into your tenure and realize "I'm on a hamster wheel? Is this it?'  or is it when you get married or have a child? I don't know when I lost my innocent, possibly naive, free spirit. Probably when I had to start filing my own paperwork (bills, taxes, medical etc) Kinda difficult to be punk rock and spontaneous but still file by April 15. I used dye my hair pink with Manic Panic. I actually had a 'real' job that appreciated and somewhat expected that 'flair' (the record business was so much fun back when it really had a 'business.')

In a way it's such a shame that that beautiful freedom of youth is wasted on us when we're really too young to appreciate it, but how could anything be that beautiful to anyone if it wasn't the first time you experienced it?  With 40 I have a family, a job and (potentially, finally) a career. Like Bethenny Frankel said "Why did all the important stuff have to happen to me all at the same time?"  I got married, had a beautiful girl and now a job I really like. And I'm 40.  So did I use that pre-40 time wisely? Would I do it all over again? Hell yeah to the second question.  Not so sure on the first.   But I sure do miss those crickets and fireflies on warm, endless, summer nights with family and friends with not a care in the world and with no freakin' idea what was ahead of me.

Killswitch vs. The Eagles

My friend Jim created this great video for one of my most favorite bands, Killswitch Engage. This video took months of painstaking work but it is awesome. I have to admit that I haven't listened to Killswitch in quite a while - my favorite song is "Your Days are Numbered" from their first cd and they've since switched singers, I've moved, my life has changed, I haven't seen a rock show in years.... basically, I find that I listen to music that supports my state of mind at the time. Since I'm not out in the rock scene anymore and I don't seem to have that same emo-rock dramatic epic-ness to my life like I did years ago, KE doesn't quite fit. But hey, I'm on to other music now. Been listening to a lot of Eagles. Not sure why. Maybe it's that 'Peaceful Easy Feeling.." :)