The end of the innocence

I just celebrated (is that even the right word?) my 40th birthday. I'm not one to go around saying I'm 39 for the next 10 years. I've accepted the number. I'm fine with it overall. But I wondered when and if the introspection that usually accompanies such a milestone would hit me.  It's starting to seep in now, in and around my daily routine that usually, conveniently blocks out all serious thought.  It started with a song on the radio. A radio - not on iPod or Pandora radio or iTunes shuffle, but a good old fashioned battery powered radio. "Remember when the days were long, and rolled beneath the deep blue sky; Didn't have a care in the world with mommy and daddy standin' by..." I started thinking about those long summer days with nothing to do. The summer seemed endless with fireflies at night, baseball games, working at the state fair, cookouts, riding bikes, fireworks, the sweet smell of strawberries from my Mom's garden.. .  I started thinking about 20 vs 40, who I was then and who I am now.  When is the end of the innocence? College (I have no idea. I was having too much fun!) Does it happen with that first real job? The one where you wake up one morning, a year into your tenure and realize "I'm on a hamster wheel? Is this it?'  or is it when you get married or have a child? I don't know when I lost my innocent, possibly naive, free spirit. Probably when I had to start filing my own paperwork (bills, taxes, medical etc) Kinda difficult to be punk rock and spontaneous but still file by April 15. I used dye my hair pink with Manic Panic. I actually had a 'real' job that appreciated and somewhat expected that 'flair' (the record business was so much fun back when it really had a 'business.')

In a way it's such a shame that that beautiful freedom of youth is wasted on us when we're really too young to appreciate it, but how could anything be that beautiful to anyone if it wasn't the first time you experienced it?  With 40 I have a family, a job and (potentially, finally) a career. Like Bethenny Frankel said "Why did all the important stuff have to happen to me all at the same time?"  I got married, had a beautiful girl and now a job I really like. And I'm 40.  So did I use that pre-40 time wisely? Would I do it all over again? Hell yeah to the second question.  Not so sure on the first.   But I sure do miss those crickets and fireflies on warm, endless, summer nights with family and friends with not a care in the world and with no freakin' idea what was ahead of me.